Just because it's Wednesday, I will tell you a little bit about my grief. In doing so, I hope you learn a little more and find some encouragement. While I have come a long way, grief is always trailing not far behind. It sneaks up during obvious events such as holidays, birthday and celebrations, but it also shows up randomly in casual conversations that remind me that I am different. Now when I say I am different, I know that I am not the only one who has lost a spouse . This is just my story. Recently, I was at a dinner party with mostly couples and it was not long before I realized, "I am the widow in the room." So, I made myself useful and was in the kitchen doing dishes. A guest came in and said, "you are working so much, why don't you sit down and relax?" Then, answered their own question after a short pause and said, "Oh, I have been through so much, when I sit down too long and start thinking, I get depressed." I said, "exactly!" You see when going through grief or any other kind of emotional struggle it is often good to keep busy. Especially helping others, it takes the focus off of us and onto others. But, sometimes being busy can be a distraction to delay the grief healing journey. It is easy to get busy to not think about the pain or "new normal." Most social circles include couples and social gatherings that often leave me asking myself, "why didn't I get forever?" or "how did this happen?" This is not a feel sorry piece. Hang on for the hope. Keep reading. What is different about me, is that not only did I lose my spouse suddenly, I had to start over at 49 years old with two kids to raise by myself. With the grace of God, a lot of love and support, I have been able to reinvent myself. Yet, people in my circles are talking about retirement while I am just getting started! I went back to work in the entertainment business and started my life coaching business as well to help pave my kids path to college. I had to navigate the tumultuous teenage years with my kids grieving while also going through the normal hell we know as high school and social media. Most days when I was a new single mom and widow were terrifying. I was left in charge and driving through the "widowhood" was a scary place. I often did not know what to do or if I was going to make it through. There were also some excruciatingly painful realities I had to face like the fact that my children will always be fatherless. I am different. I live with this pain everyday. But, I also celebrate that I was chosen to be mom and dad.
I had a choice to make. I had to choose to live or die. Many days I thought it would be easier to do the latter. But instead, I chose to face the fear and grow from this unbearable pain I did not ask for. I chose to live for my children. I made a vow that I "was in it to win it." I dug my heels in and did whatever I had to keep our family functioning. Grief is cold and ugly some days. Our house wasn't always a peaceful place to be. But all of the pain, conflict and fear we had to walk through made us stronger and more resilient. Then, my pain became the catalyst for wanting to help others with their new beginning\. My kids and I learned some lessons that only grief could teach us. One of the most important lessons grief taught us is the preciousness of time. When one lives knowing that the clock is ticking, it changes everything for the better. While I would have never chosen this path, my kids and I have all grown in ways we could not have imagined. We have learned to live with a deeper sense of empathy, compassion for others and "an attitude of gratitude."
So what does all this have to do with "Just Because It's Wednesday" blog about dating? Well, maybe nothing or everything. If you have come to the end of a relationship, you maybe on a healing journey and think you are ready to date, pause and think again. Healing takes time. The most loving thing you can do for yourself and your next "someone special" is to work on yourself. Everyone has a story and we bring parts of the old story into the new one, that is okay. But, remember that dating someone new takes patience, grace and compassion. With all of your hurts and healing, I pray the universe brings you someone wonderful, magical and together you create a new story bringing it all together for your happily ever after. And, one for me too. :)
"Just Because It's Wednesday" is about practicing random inspired acts of love and service for no reason at all. It is about being good translators of one another's love language, paying attention and acting on it. My name is Jennifer. I am a certified life coach, widow and back in the dating world, learning as I go. I help people see their self worth, discover gifts, and talents to live life with passion and on purpose.
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